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News of the Weak, August 25 2002
Aug. 25th, 2002 04:01 pmA 6.0 earthquake rocked northern Japan as Godzilla turned over in his sleep and fell out of bed.
Ohio's Democratic candidate for governor, Tim Hagan, raised $150,000 with his private fundraising "Star Trek" convention. Republican opponent Bob Taft slammed Mr. Hagan for a lack of Jeri Ryan in her 7 of 9 outfit, saying, "How can we take him seriously if he can't deliver on the babes?" adding that he might have shown up himself if Ms. Ryan had been there instead of William Shatner.
The Recording Industry Association of America lauded new fees to be charged to non-commercial college webcast radio stations, saying, "This money will compensate underpaid copyright holders, namely our multimillion dollar contributors." San Diego State University station KCR countered by asking when the RIAA last had to hold a bake sale, which drew the informative speech, "No comment."
The Alaska League of Women Voters registered strong disapproval of a measure designed to make Alaska the first state to use preferential voting as used in Australia. "This goes against the one person one vote standard and would undermine democracy, so we aim to stop it," said a high-placed member of the group.
Technophobe terrorists linked to an extreme Amish splinter faction have broken two computers and damaged three more at a University of Pennsylvania computer lab. Police chased the getaway horse-drawn carriages but the culprits escaped in the Agricultural department. No faction has yet claimed responsibility.
Major media mogul Barney announced that he was undergoing a gene splice operation to "Make me more marketable. I love you, but you need to love me!"
HBO has joined the list of people and companies declaring that "Barney Must Die!" In an amazing show of world unity, people from across the globe from all religions and all walks of life have declared that the "Great Purple Satan" must be punished.
.
.
But first: A viewing guide to Iron Chef!
Ohio's Democratic candidate for governor, Tim Hagan, raised $150,000 with his private fundraising "Star Trek" convention. Republican opponent Bob Taft slammed Mr. Hagan for a lack of Jeri Ryan in her 7 of 9 outfit, saying, "How can we take him seriously if he can't deliver on the babes?" adding that he might have shown up himself if Ms. Ryan had been there instead of William Shatner.
The Recording Industry Association of America lauded new fees to be charged to non-commercial college webcast radio stations, saying, "This money will compensate underpaid copyright holders, namely our multimillion dollar contributors." San Diego State University station KCR countered by asking when the RIAA last had to hold a bake sale, which drew the informative speech, "No comment."
The Alaska League of Women Voters registered strong disapproval of a measure designed to make Alaska the first state to use preferential voting as used in Australia. "This goes against the one person one vote standard and would undermine democracy, so we aim to stop it," said a high-placed member of the group.
Technophobe terrorists linked to an extreme Amish splinter faction have broken two computers and damaged three more at a University of Pennsylvania computer lab. Police chased the getaway horse-drawn carriages but the culprits escaped in the Agricultural department. No faction has yet claimed responsibility.
Major media mogul Barney announced that he was undergoing a gene splice operation to "Make me more marketable. I love you, but you need to love me!"
HBO has joined the list of people and companies declaring that "Barney Must Die!" In an amazing show of world unity, people from across the globe from all religions and all walks of life have declared that the "Great Purple Satan" must be punished.
.
.
But first: A viewing guide to Iron Chef!
