teddywolf

TTTO Maniac (from the movie Flashdance)

Just a Bean-town boy on a Tuesday night
Looking for the thrill of his life
In the real-time world no one sees him at all
They all say he's nerdy

Subtle finger rhythm on the keys
Playing by the monitor light
He has moused into the danger zone
Where the coder becomes the code

If the prizes gleam too bright
Move beyond what's wrong and right
Dreaming darkly of
What's not and what may be

Chorus:
He's a brainiac, brainiac on the Net
And he's coding like he's never coded yet.
He's a brainiac, brainiac on the Net
And he's coding like he's never coded yet.

On the bleeding edge of cyberspace
It's a place most never see
It's a hard-won second reality
You can watch but can't hold it

You hunt all your life for a moment in time
Right beyond the fork in the road
Just a click of the mouse gives you Schroedinger's choice
Will your hard drive now explode?

Feel the fans all blowing heat
As you tap the keyboard beat
Never stopping
As he telnets through the door

(Chorus)

la la la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la la la

If the prizes gleam too bright
Move beyond what's wrong and right
Dreaming darkly of
What's not and what may be

He's a brainiac, brainiac on the Net
And he's coding like he's never coded yet.
He's a brainiac, brainiac on the Net
And he's coding like he's never coded yet.

(Note to Tom Smith: 30 minutes from thought to execution. You're still the fastest)
Lyrics (c) me, 2012 November 23

(Oh, you should know the tune to this one)

I wrote this the day before ConCertino this year. I suppose I can dust it off every four years.

Chorus:
Don't forget to vote Cthulhu
Don't forget to vote Cthulhu
Don't forget to vote Cthulhu
The greatest evil choice

I hope you'll join Cthulhu, he's the greatest moral wrong
If you have new legislation he will not just go along
And should you have some killer weed he'll rudely hog the bong
But at least you'll keep your brain

He's evil that was born beyond the reaches of the stars
He will treat us all like specimens and put our brains in jars
He leaves the toilet seat up and he never tips in bars
He really is a jerk!

He'll round up all the people and he'll put us all in camp
He'll brand us as his livestock with his evil rubber stamp
He clogged up all the toilets, well you knew he was a scamp
And you don't know where he'll lurk….

He'll send out our militia to attack our neighbors too
And he'll kill the poor and turn them into Soylent Lentil Stew
And universal death care just got added to the brew
But at least he's not pro-choice! (Or pro-life either)

I've told you all about him so I hope we get your vote
Oh, and if you vote against him I have one more little note
His detractors in November will become his fruit compote
On sale at WalMart stores!

So come the next election we're expecting everyone
To come out and vote Cthulhu and collect your own free gun
And once results are counted then we all join in the fun
And settle all our scores.

They had a filk contest. The theme was, It's Not The End Of The World. I performed a piece I wrote last Thursday, it was generally well received, and the lyrics (independent of performance) got third place in the contest out of... I think it was 8-9 people? Regardless, I won a Lego Loch Ness Monster. Huzzah Nessie!

Tune is original, song is original, title is Earth Two. Song is a mix of comedy and drama, and punctuation in the middle of any line denotes a halfway point for the beats (two slow 4/4 bars each line). A few lines lack middle punctuation as there is no clear middle, especially the last line of any verse.

Life isn't over, though maybe it's changed
My cat started talking, my lawn has the mange
My new x-ray vision -- is just a little bit strange
Earth got upgraded to version two

I know that I'll find you -- somewhere inside
I'll search every city -- that I haven't tried
I wish you'd been nearer -- when we ran to hide
But together, we can start anew

Chorus:
I kind of expected -- the phones to be dead
The tech support's useless -- untrained and unfed
They say that it's darkest -- right before the dawn
But without you, I feel like my heart is gone

The zoos are all empty, the malls have been flipped
My weapons all vanished -- except for my whips
I wish that Einstein wasn't being so tight-lipped
Lots of bugs still on Earth revision two

I've learned how to fly now, even out in the rain
It's cool to lift houses -- without any strain
But if I'm some Superman, then where is my Lois Lane?
Cuz together, we can start anew

I kind of expected -- the phones to be dead
The tech support's useless -- untrained and unfed
They say that it's darkest -- right before the dawn
But without you, I feel like my heart is gone

I'm going to find you, somewhere I've never tried
That new Atlantean city, maybe you are inside
Even with my new tentacles, please accept me not run and hide
For together we have a planet to start anew
With love and bug patches that I hope will not turn me blue
Over time we can fix this Earth model two

*ding*
(spoken) Upgrade complete. Welcome to Earth Mk. 3
(yelled/screamed) No-o-o-o-o!

Just one week ago I felt pretty well
And I lived the good life feeling healthy
So I merrily ate and enjoyed my free time
In spirit I felt pretty wealthy
Then just three days ago, my body said No
It's time to start sleeping, there's work to be done
Metabolically speaking, you've had all your fun
And its time that you go back to bed

And my friend said, "Walking Pneumonia
is what my wife had to our sorrow.
So I hope you're OK, maybe sick for a day
And you're feeling all better tomorrow."

How well I remember the first couple days
My sinuses dripping like hoses
And cleaning them out with both tissues and wash
But nothing quite helping my noses
I took all the meds that would help, I can tell
Guaifenesin pills and clemastine as well
But in only three days I was feeling like hell
From my head all the way to my toeses.

And my wife said, "Walking Pneumonia
Was had by my friend near the wall
She was out half the week but she's back now you see
Though her doc prescribed no meds at all."

So I went to my doctor and told her my woes
And she listened to me very closely
And then she examined my chest and my lungs
Before she said, "You're OK mostly. (Or not.)
You sound quite congested and not at all rested
and sneezing, coughing and wheezing
But still you can walk and do all your chores
Neither burning too hot or too freezing."

And the doc said, "Walking Pneumonia
Is what you contracted I'd say.
But I can't prescribe meds 'less you're feeling half-dead."
And then she turned her face away.

I begged and I pleaded that meds were still needed
and I fought with her oh so politely
So now I have gotten a med that should work
I plan to be taking it nightly.
I'm out from my work, shouldn't go to my class
When it comes to rehearsal I'll give it a pass
And parties are out because going's too crass
I am jealous my germs will go walking.

And my friends say, "Walking Pneumonia
means you shouldn't come near us today
Though when you are clear we'll all give a cheer
And then you can rejoin the fray."

Walking Pneumonia, Walking Pneumonia
Please don't get walking pneumonia from me
And my friends and co-workers are keeping far away for now
Til they won't get walking pneumonia from me.

(If you know the original Daiyenu tune, it scans reasonably well. All triplets rhyme)

For all the years spent in Mitzrayim
Eating matzah, drinking mayim
Some days it was really tryin', daiyenu

Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it coulda been enough daiyenu
Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it coulda been enough

For putting up with mean ol pharaoh
whose laws chilled us to the marrow
take us out in Your wheelbarrow, daiyenu

Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it woulda been enough daiyenu
Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it woulda been enough

For giving forty years of journey
like some king's demented tourney
Wheel me on an angel's gurney, daiyenu

Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it shoulda been enough daiyenu
Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it shoulda been enough

Now we're back from Di-a-Spo-ra
Still we're reading from the Torah
Least we get to dance the hora, daiyenu

Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it coulda been enough daiyenu
Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it coulda been enough

Now in modern ever afta
Thank You for your gift of BAFTA
And our nukes, you didn't hafta, daiyenu

Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it woulda been enough daiyenu
Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it woulda been enough

Yet I wonder as a menschen
Still don't quite know Your intention
Why post-meal am I still benchin'? daiyenu

Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it shoulda been enough daiyenu
Dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, dai-daiyenu, it shoulda been enough

(creative commons by me) Sunday April 17, 2011

Original song (c) Billy Joel
New lyrics (c) me, February 19 2011

(It came to me in the shower this morning - and I decided to write it down. If you have not listened to the original I *highly* suggest it because it's a great song)

He waits for me at night
He waits for me in R'lyeh
He tells me what I have to do
my protests are in vain

And so far I haven't run
though I swear I've had my moments
I don't believe in miracles
just sacrifices' pain

It's all about souls
It's all about faith and a deeper devotion
It's all about souls
Cthulhu the great riding under the ocean
I've got to be strong
'Cause so many things getting out of control
Should drive him away, but he wants to stay
It's all about souls

He comes to me sometimes
and he tells me what he's dreaming
And I realize I must have gone a million miles away
And I ask him how he knew to reach out to me at that moment
And when I feel his short response, I tremble and I pray

It's all about souls
It's all about knowing what someone is feeling
Cthulhu's got souls
The power of gods and the bodies they're stealing
This life isn't fair
It's gonna get dark, it's gonna get cold
You've got to get tough, but that ain't enough
It's all about souls

Cthulhu lu lu lu lu lu
He's all about souls
Cthulhu lu lu lu lu lu
Yes he is
R'lyeh eh eh eh eh eh
It's all about souls
Hastur Hastur Hastoo-ooooo

There are people who have lost
every trace of human kindness
There are many who have fallen
there are some who still survive

And he comes to me at night
and he tells me his desires
I don't think I can get away and keep myself alive

It's all about souls
It's all about elder gods enjoying your sorrow
It's all about souls
Who's standing now and who's standing tomorrow
You've got to be hard
Surviving apocalypse is one of your goals
But that's only part, you know in your heart
It's all about souls

Oh yeah

Cthulhu lu lu lu lu lu
He's all about souls
Cthulhu lu lu lu lu lu
Yes he is
(repeat)

TTTO What Do You Hear In These Sounds by Dar Williams;
new lyrics (c) Me, November 9 2010
Scansion is lightly mutable but generally fits the original nicely. I had the germ for it yesterday and sneezed it out just now.

I don't go to circle to find out if I'm a freak
I go and I listen to my friendly singing SF geeks
It's not just me in the memories that follow
Through convention singing at some late ungodly hour
And we sing through the music inspired by the novels
That line all the bookshelves of our mansions and our hovels
And it's so fine, I think I want to sing you something
But I know it's so much better if it's not just by myself
And we sing

So Fa, Mi Do, what do you hear in these songs?
And Ti La, Re Do, what do you hear in these songs?

I listen on the edges with an ear not quite believing
All the people that are coming and performers who are leaving
And they say, "bye", I say "Bye, you know we'll miss you"
They say "Yeah, but we are tired
And awake-itude is fired"
So we smile very softly with some hugs received and given
And the circle wanes and waxes with that song for Larry Niven
And it's all mine, that's the tale, that's the story
So tell me, where does the arrow point to?
Who invented coffee?
And

So Fa, Mi Do, what do you hear in these songs?
And Ti La, Re Do, what do you hear in these songs?

(La So Mi-Do, who has the follower?
La So Mi Do….
La So Mi-Do *tap tap tap tap*
La So Mi-Do, Filkerrrrrrrrrr Up!)

And when I talk about filkery I know what people think
That you're really on the fringes as a substitute for drink
But oh how I loved most everybody's music
when I finally had a chance to play the song that I just wrote….

And I wake up and I ask myself just where I've been
And I think of the music and I grow this tremendous grin
I had this wall and what I knew of music
Was what the teachers taught me and I what I could hear on radio
And I thought if I came I would only start performing
And the others would be waiting, a twisting and a storming
But the wall came down and there we stood together
With their laughter and their crying and their singing out just like me… and…

So Fa, Mi Do, the stories that nobody hears - and
Ti La, Re Do, I collect these songs in my ears - and
So Fa, Mi Do, that's what I hear in these songs, and
Ti La, Re Do. that's what I hear in these, that's what I hear in these
So-o-o-ongs
Ohhhh, Ooooooooooh
That's what I hear in these, that's what I hear in these songs.

Head, shoulders knees and toes (*Tasty Toes!)
Head, shoulders knees and toes (*Tasty Toes!)
Eyes and ears and brains and nose (*Braaaaaaaains!*)
Head, shoulders knees and toes (*Tasty Toes!)

With apologies to David Bowie

Let's dance put on your red shirt and dance the blues

Let's dance to the red alert on the intercom

Let's sway
keep the phaser out of my face
Let's sway
sway at warp 9 through empty space

If you say run, I'll run for you
If you say hide, we'll hide
Because my life for you
Will break my spine in two
If you should fall
out of the ship
We're fighting with a monster

Let's dance for fear
your grace should fall
Let's dance for fear this stardate is all

Let's sway you could order me around
Let's sway under the starlight,
this nova-burst sunlight

If you say run, I'll run for you
If you say hide, we'll hide
Because my life for you
Will break my spine in two
If you should fall
out of the ship
We're fighting with a monster

Let's dance put on your red shirt and dance the blues

Let's dance to the self-destruct on the intercom

Let's sway you could order me around
Let's sway under the starlight,
this nova-burst sunlight

New Lyrics (c) me, June 27 2010

Current Mood: silly

TTTO The Ants Go Marching
(Performance notes: if possible, have a different somebody from the audience do all but the final scream on cue, with a short break for the scream. The word "br-aaaaiiiins" and the final spoken line should preferably be in a relative monotone.)

The zombies go shuffling two by two, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling two by two, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling two by two and massacred a construction crew (Aieeeee!)
And they all go shuffling, out of their graves they go

The zombies go shuffling four by four, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling four by four, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling four by four and feasted outside a Wal-Mart store (Aieeeee!)
And they all go shuffling, out of their graves they go

The zombies go shuffling six by six, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling six by six, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling six by six and caught some prostitutes turning tricks (Aieeeee!)
And they all go shuffling, out of their graves they go

The zombies go shuffling eight by eight, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling eight by eight, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling eight by eight surprising some tourists from out of state (Aieeeee!)
And they all go shuffling, out of their graves they go

The zombies go shuffling ten by ten, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling ten by ten, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling ten by ten skipping Sean Hannity in his den - (spoken) hey, even mindless zombies have standards! (/spoken)
And they all go shuffling, out of their graves they go

The zombies go shuffling twelve by twelve, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling twelve by twelve, br-aaiins, br-aaiins
The zombies go shuffling twelve by twelve, my song I think it's time to shelve (Aieeeee!)
And we all go shuffling, looking for brains we go!
(spoken) Mmmmm... braaaaiiiinnnnssss.......

TTTO Give My Children Wings, by Kathy Mar

Give my children things, but not too many things
As the floors are a toy-field of caltrops
They would like to play and so I'll let them play
In their shirts and their shorts and their flip-flops
Give them balls to juggle and books for girls and boys
But please don't bring those stuffies that make a lot of noise
Give my children things, but not too many things
As the floors are a toy-field of caltrops

Teach my children puns, but not the worst of puns
That have nourished my warped sense of humor
Puns will make them laugh, but they need more than laughs
In a world fueled by darkness and rumor
Teach them useful knowledge and teach them how to share
Let my children reason and let my children care
Teach my children puns, but not the worst of puns
That have nourished my warped sense of humor

Give my children Life, a single Game of Life
They have doubles of Sorry and Trouble
They have lots of Risk, including Hobbit Risk
We all trip on Monopoly rubble
Give them sets of Munchkin and rules for D&D
Please don't bring more chess sets unless they're in 3-D
Give my children Life, a single Game of Life
They have doubles of Sorry and Trouble

New lyrics (c) Teddywolf, 15 January 2009

Earlier today my roommate had Celtic Women playing on the TiVo. They were performing the Enya song "Orinoco Flows", most recognized by the words "Sail away, sail away, sail away!" Feeling a bit of my old silly self, I started singing "Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon!" My roommate, naturalement, said I should write it.

As a performance note: if you are singing this by yourself, the final Sailor Moon in any given verse except the very last one should be skipped by the primary singer as you go straight to the next verse. It works a lot better that way, trust me.

Yes, my brain does work in disturbing ways.

So:
Original lyrics and music Enya
New lyrics by

teddywolf, (c) 2009 January 1
Let me sail, let me sail, turn the television on
Let me reach, let me beach as I queue the DVD
Let me sail, let me sail, let me crash upon her shore
Let me reach, let me beach far beyond the Lunar sea

Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (x2)
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (Chorus only: Sailor Moon)

From the Moon to Neptune in the shade of her high school
Watch her friends get the bends fight Dark Kingdom enemy
Do you see Mercury as she's swimming in the pool
Watch them all standing tall as they turn into Senshi

Change, change to the Sailor Suit (x4)

Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (x2)
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (Chorus only: Sailor Moon)

From the moon to the earth they have come to live again
From the school out to space from the past to now and then
Carry my DVDs of the shows I've never seen
Carry my DVDs of disturbing sexy teens

We can sail, we can sail, turn the television on
We can sail, we can sail
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (Chorus only: Sailor Moon)

We can read manga screed as we watch the anime
We can sigh at the plot as we watch them in their skirts
She can sail, she can sail
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (Chorus only: Sailor Moon)

We can reach, we can beach as we queue the DVD
She can sail, she can sail
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (Chorus only: Sailor Moon)

Watch them all standing tall as they turn into Senshi
They can sail sailing with
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (Chorus only: Sailor Moon)

From the Moon to Neptune in the shade of her high school
They can sail, sailing with
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (Chorus only: Sailor Moon)

Let me reach, let me beach far beyond the Lunar sea
Let me sail, sailing with
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (Chorus only: Sailor Moon)

Do you see Mercury as she's swimming in the pool
From Sentai to Hentai
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (Chorus only: Sailor Moon)

They can sail, we can sail,
Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon (x5)

I might perform this at some Filk 101 panel somewhere. Feel free to do likewise.

I ain't writing bout current events
I like the Addams dear Thing
Baby, I'll sing about the Queen of Sheba
We may not even have our dignity,
this could be just a wonderful thing
Baby what's for lunch? I think I'll munch some amoebas

Are you ready for the thing called filk?
Don't come from Muses, no
it comes from chocolate milk
I ain't no popstar dressed
in PVC and silk
Are you ready for the thing called filk?

I ain't singing bout affairs of the heart
Unless it's out on a spaceship
Baby, I'm talking hyperspace and jump gates
I ain't singing bout sports like football or baseball
I'm singing Unicorn Leapfrog
Baby, that's gonna hurt in the morning!

Are you ready for the thing called filk?
Don't come from Muses, comes
from snorting chocolate milk
I ain't no popstar dressed
in PVC and silk
Are you ready for the thing called filk?

BRIDGE:
Heroes can come from unlikely places
And end up deep in your heart
Come on and listen to my kitty song
Just laugh, who cares if it's art.

CHORUS OUTRO:
Are you ready for the thing called filk
Don't come from Muses,
comes from splorting chocolate milk
I ain't no popstar dressed
in PVC and silk

Are you ready for it
Are you ready for the thing called filk
Don't come from muses,
comes from kittening your milk
I ain't no popstar, no
I'd like to wear silk

Are you ready for it
Are you ready for filk, baby
Oooh yeah babe
Are you ready for this thing called filk?

(to the guitar/drum at the end)
(spoken) You know, I could wear silk if I wanted. Or maybe some hot PVC pants. Of course, on me, it might be a favor I'm in jeans. No, really.

TTTo Scarborough Fair

Are you leaving Mitzrayim today
Milk and honey, manna and sand
Remember why we go on our way
We go unto the Promised Land

First the Nile turned bloody and red
Milk and honey, manna and sand
Then came frogs who jumped on their heads
We go unto the Promised Land

Egyptians got lice and shaved themselves bald
Milk and honey, manna and sand
Then came the flies with whom they all brawled
We go unto the Promised Land

All their livestock sickened and died
Milk and honey, manna and sand
Afflicted with boils they'd cover and hide
We go unto the Promised Land

Down came hailstones, fire in the air
Milk and honey, manna and sand
Up came locusts who ate their land bare
We go unto the Promised Land

Blinded by darkness Pharaoh did not relent
Milk and honey, manna and sand
When his eldest son died his will was all spent
We go unto the Promised Land

We left so fast but left without shame
Milk and honey, manna and sand
Alive but shaken, give thanks to God's name
We go unto the Promised Land

Remember our suffering, remember theirs too
Milk and honey, manna and sand
And hope God never writes "Passover 2"
And let us stay in our Promised Land

(c)

teddywolf April 2, 2007

For Tom Smith.

TTTO Paperback Writer

Dear sir or madam I don't see your car
I've looked once or twice not so very far
I got my license so I own the road
I don't see you there, so I'm gonna be a hit-and-run-driver,
hit-and-run-driver!

It's a common story of a common man
So you'd think the jury would understand
His car's a shiny model SUV
And he owns the road, yeah he's gonna be a hit-and-run-driver
hit-and-run-driver!

Hit and run (hit and run) driver (driver)

A couple of scratches on my left front door
My bumper just got to fifty four
There are no policemen so excuse me now
Time for me to leave so I can be a hit-and-run-driver
hit-and-run-driver!

I don't like your driving cuz you have no style
Never cops around, they all take a while
I can call my lawyer while you drive away
I am in the book and you just became a hit-and-run-driver
hit-and-run-driver!

Hit and run (hit and run) driver (driver)

Hit-and-run dri-ver (hitandrun driver)
Hit-and-run dri-ver (hitandrun driver)
Hit-and-run dri-ver (hitandrun driver)
Hit-and-run dri-ver (hitandrun driver)

Oh, Tom - I did this in 20 minutes including baby interruptions :-D

Just wrote this - the scansion appealed to me.

TTTO Carolina In My Mind

In my mind I've reached the Gates of Mordor
Don't you miss the sunshine?
Don't you just want some moonshine?
Ain't it just like a dream of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I reached the Gates of Mordor in my mind

Uncle left the Shire at night
He just walked away and left forever
Left me this here golden ring
A silver tear appearing now
I'm cryin' ain't I
Reached the Gates of Mordor in my mind.

There ain't no doubt the road is hard
Nazgul hunt and never tire
Never letting down our guard
And hey babe the sky's on fire,
I'm dyin' ain't I
Reached the Gates of Mordor in my mind.

In my mind I've reached the Gates of Mordor
Don't you miss the sunshine?
Don't you just want some moonshine?
Ain't it just like a dream of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I've reached the Gates of Mordor in my mind

Dark and silent late last night
I think I might have heard a Balrog screeching
Eagles in flight and orcs that fight
Signs that might be omens are beseeching, reaching
Reached the Gates of Mordor in my mind.

With a holy host of others standing around me
Still I'm on the dark side of the moon
And it seems like it goes on like this forever
You must forgive me
If I'm up and gone to Mordor in my mind

In my mind I've reached the Gates of Mordor
Don't you miss the sunshine?
Don't you just want some moonshine?
Ain't it just like a dream of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I reached the Gates of Mordor in my mind
Reached the Gates of Mordor in my mind
Then I'm past the Gates of Mordor in my mind
Gone past Gates of Mordor in my mind
Gone - I'm gone - I'm gone
Say nice things about me
'Cause I'm gone West
Carry on without me
'Cause I'm gone

New Lyrics (c) by me, Oct 27 2005

sometimes when I get bored I write songs. Seems to happen a lot when the Internet goes down at work.
For all the drivers stuck in traffic, with an extra wave to the traffic reporter. This is in fast 4/4 and should be sung as if by Weird Al, though I wrote this one.

Drive Time
I woke up before the dawn and drank my coffee black
I showered shaved and brushed my teeth still halfway in the sack
All dressed up and ready, I hop into my car
But now three hours later it's like I'm stuck in tar

Chorus:
Won't you guide me in my car and tell me where to go?
Won't you tell me just in time just where the traffic's slow?
This freeway is the me way, but what I'd like to know
Is why that turtle's zooming past like in a cartoon show?

My Saturn's sleek and really new, puts lots of cars to shame
I'm stuck behind a Yugo and it's really kinda lame
We haven't moved for half an hour and I'm squirming in my seat
Maybe I'd feel better if I fainted in the heat

Chorus

Can't you help me make it? Make it into work on time?
Can't you help me make my way out of this fkin' line?

I left my home, my wife and child to make my way to work
But traffic has me late again, I'm over half-berserk
Five cars broke down and blocked four lanes, this highway just had two
My teleporter's on the fritz, I don't know what to do.

Chorus

Chevys Saabs and Beemers all dead on rutted roads
They're blocking every backroad route, I think I'll just explode
Those flashing blues behind me mean that things are getting worse
I wonder why I'm lying down in the back end of this hearse?

Chorus
Tell me why's that turtle's zooming past like in a cartoon show?

Spoken See ya round, Speedy!

by me, Sep 8 2005

To the tune of The Rainbow Connection, by Paul Williams

Why are there so many songs about Cthulhu
Not humans upon his side?
Cultists have visions, and horrid delusions,
And cultists have nothing to hide.
They run to their altars like evil pole vaulters
I think you and I better flee
Someday we'll find it, the Cthulhu cthonnection,
The cultists, the minions and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
when asked of an Elder God?
Some cultists thought of that, their minions believed it,
and look what it's done so far.
Why's Miskatonic now teaching us Phonics?
And why to a Doctor's degree?
Someday we'll find it, the Cthulhu cthonnection,
The cultists, the minions and me.

All of us under his spell,
we know that it's probably magic....

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the madness that calls the young cultist?
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something I might come to be
Someday we'll find it, the Cthulhu cthonnection,
The cultists, the minions and me.
La, la la, La, la la dum, La Laa, la la, La, La la urk!!

Feb 19 2005
(c) LJ accountholder Teddywolf

Original Lyrics "Gloria", by Van Morrison. New lyrics by me.

Scansion is the same, there's one extra line toward the end - I can't remember all of the melody for the life of me, alas.

Moria

Like to tell you ’bout my city, you know she can't be found,
Don't know how many miles she is underground.
You know she always dark like just about midnight,
She scares me really bad, lord, and I don't feel all right.
And her name is m-o-r-i-a,

M-o-r-i-a Moria
M-o-r-i-a Moria
I’m gonna shout it all night Moria
I’m gonna shout it every day, Moria
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

I come around here just about midnight, ha
She make me feel so good, lord, I wanna say she make me feel all right.
Orcs a-fillin' up her streets, then defiling her stone,
They break on down my door and then they comes to my room,
For them I keep my torches bright,

M-o-r-i-a Moria
M-o-r-i-a Moria
I’m gonna shout it all night Moria
I’m gonna shout it every day Moria
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,
Speak friend and enter Moria
Running through Moria
Oh no, the Balrog, Moria
All right, yeah now.

TTTO Panama, Van Halen
(Just picture me singing this in Animal's voice, from The Muppet Show)

Jump in, what that sound
Here me come, feed me feast now
Hot foot, me no wear shoe
Model citizen, zero discipline

Gimme drum me need to play a beat
Or me will eat your fern
Gimme fern!

Animal, Animal
Animal, Animal

Ain't nothing like me, me drumming machine
Gotta feel for a meal if me feeling too mean
Hot foot, me no wear shoe
Running down ramp into the dining room

Gimme drum me need to play a beat
Or me will eat your fern
Gimme fern!

Animal, Animal
Animal, Animal

(spoken, preferably during major drum solo)
Me hungry tonight.
Me barely listen cuz me hungry.
Feed me now, steak and eggs
Spice with shoeblack

(back to singing)
Me drumming, you humming
In the groove you feel me beat now
Gonna grab it, monosyllabic
Drumstick pounding, ain't no stopping now

Animal, Animal (repeat to end)

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Entries tagged with filk

Filk: Brainiac

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Filksong: The Cthulhu Cthonnection

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