On the nature of Anger
Feb. 25th, 2003 10:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teddywolfI've lived with anger my whole life, mine and other people's. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out anger among other emotions. It's a strong emotion, anger. This will be relatively brief; I'm not going to use many examples and I'm not going as deep into each bit as I could.
Anger empowers. An angry person is more likely to do or say something about what's making them angry at the time. Focused properly, anger can be a powerful motivator. It can win races, push limits, bring out facets you've never seen before. Anger is a prime political motivator too. Anger is a flip side of fear but they can exist at the same time in the same thought.
Anger isn't just being mad. Anger at the outside world usually has three components: I'm Annoyed, I'm Right and You're Wrong. I separate out the I'm Right and You're Wrong parts because two people can be right about the same thing even though they have different opinions.
Anger commonly isn't focused by many if not most people. People who don't focus their anger tend to be angry at the time, and at its worst their anger can shift around to anything or anyone who gets their attention. If my hypothetical friend Bob gets angry because some lousy driver cut him off and shouts about it, then shouts at me when I get his attention, Bob's angry and unfocused.
People try to learn coping mechanisms for other people's anger. If I know that when Bob's angry he'll get mad at me just because I got his attention I will avoid doing things to get his attention. I may even do things that would specifically keep his attention off of me so he can be angry at somebody or something else until he calms down. If I'm a brave soul and know ways to help Bob calm down I may try them, but I'd know that I might risk incurring Bob's wrath.
Personal anger is a personal demon for a lotta lotta people. Anger can lead to resentment and hatred, and resentment and hatred can lead to anger. It has the potential to become a very nasty feedback loop.
A number of people try to throttle their anger and choke it down inside them because they're afraid of the consequences of letting it run free. Sometimes this is counterproductive because expressing the anger might actually do what you want to accomplish. Other times it might be useful to keep it down.
I try to direct, control and occasionally suppress my anger. I'm usually successful.
There's been one time in semi-recent memory when I used my voice to speak in directed anger to somebody who I care about very very much. I said the most painful two word statement you can say: Go Away. I didn't mean it to be permanent and I'm very fortunate that the person involved didn't take it that way - only an hour or two, which is what I needed and no more - but when I said them those were the two most awful words in the English language.
I'm very careful about anger toward loved ones and friends. I know what the consequences can be at their worst because they've happened a couple of times, luckily never with somebody particularly close in my heart. Being angry at circumstances that surround somebody is different than being angry at someone for the circumstances around them.
Anger is a weapon. Never forget that.
Anger empowers. An angry person is more likely to do or say something about what's making them angry at the time. Focused properly, anger can be a powerful motivator. It can win races, push limits, bring out facets you've never seen before. Anger is a prime political motivator too. Anger is a flip side of fear but they can exist at the same time in the same thought.
Anger isn't just being mad. Anger at the outside world usually has three components: I'm Annoyed, I'm Right and You're Wrong. I separate out the I'm Right and You're Wrong parts because two people can be right about the same thing even though they have different opinions.
Anger commonly isn't focused by many if not most people. People who don't focus their anger tend to be angry at the time, and at its worst their anger can shift around to anything or anyone who gets their attention. If my hypothetical friend Bob gets angry because some lousy driver cut him off and shouts about it, then shouts at me when I get his attention, Bob's angry and unfocused.
People try to learn coping mechanisms for other people's anger. If I know that when Bob's angry he'll get mad at me just because I got his attention I will avoid doing things to get his attention. I may even do things that would specifically keep his attention off of me so he can be angry at somebody or something else until he calms down. If I'm a brave soul and know ways to help Bob calm down I may try them, but I'd know that I might risk incurring Bob's wrath.
Personal anger is a personal demon for a lotta lotta people. Anger can lead to resentment and hatred, and resentment and hatred can lead to anger. It has the potential to become a very nasty feedback loop.
A number of people try to throttle their anger and choke it down inside them because they're afraid of the consequences of letting it run free. Sometimes this is counterproductive because expressing the anger might actually do what you want to accomplish. Other times it might be useful to keep it down.
I try to direct, control and occasionally suppress my anger. I'm usually successful.
There's been one time in semi-recent memory when I used my voice to speak in directed anger to somebody who I care about very very much. I said the most painful two word statement you can say: Go Away. I didn't mean it to be permanent and I'm very fortunate that the person involved didn't take it that way - only an hour or two, which is what I needed and no more - but when I said them those were the two most awful words in the English language.
I'm very careful about anger toward loved ones and friends. I know what the consequences can be at their worst because they've happened a couple of times, luckily never with somebody particularly close in my heart. Being angry at circumstances that surround somebody is different than being angry at someone for the circumstances around them.
Anger is a weapon. Never forget that.
no subject
Date: 2003-02-25 09:16 am (UTC)