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Jan. 12th, 2009 10:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teddywolfThis weekend I flew out to California for the second time in my life, and I visited with some cousins of mine. One of them I highly doubt I will see alive again, which is a major shame.
My sister![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
magid and I flew out of Logan Airport Thursday night. We arrived in Oakland a bit after 11PM local time and were, shall we say, a little tired. Our mom had arranged for an airport limo, as our scheduled flight would have landed after the BART closed for the night if it had been delayed at all. We arrived at the hotel and headed off to bed.
I intended to wander around San Francisco on Friday but ended up just staying around Lafayette for a while, getting a few errands done (an overdue haircut, a vastly overdue repair on my Sopranos jacket button) and just generally wandering around. Before lunch I was faced with a choice: go to San Francisco and knock about alone, or go have supper with family and go to services at my cousin's temple. I went for the latter. I mean, yes, San Francisco, but my relatives are important to me. After a little lunch - spicy beef with carrots and mushrooms, veg fried rice, chicken corn soup and a veg spring roll, $9 including a very generous tip - I was picked up by my cousin C_ and my uncle D_. On the ride I talked a bit about food and mentioned my caramelized onions in reference to helping with brunch on Sunday. "Oh no, " she said, "we'll have plenty of food. It's OK." When we got to her place I got to see her mother, Muriel.
I should explain a bit about Muriel. I don't know her anywhere near as well as I would like and have had very little chance to spend time with her. What I do know is that she is intelligent, savvy, sensible, wryly humorous and strong-willed. The first time I met her was some 20 years ago, a week or so before my eldest first cousin J_ got married. My parents decided to visit California early and spend a little time visiting Muriel and Hal, her husband.
I remember when we arrived that first time. "I put together a light meal for you," she said. I saw a good dozen dishes on the table, enough to feed at least twice as many people as were there even accounting for my much higher appetite back then. Some of the dishes were very strange to me, so I was my usual pickytarian self and ate from only a couple of dishes. The feeding gene is, as you can tell, a family trait.
A couple of days later on that trip we took two cars to downtown Berkeley for a bit of shopping and some lunch. Muriel had already parked and had another open meter right next to her car, so she was guarding it for my mother to park there. A black pick-up truck - I wasn't calling them SUVs yet - wanted to park there; the driver argued with Muriel, and this sixty-ish woman gave as good as she got. The peanut gallery sitting on steps at the street-corners, sipping their drinks and eating their sandwiches, commented on the whole thing and weighed in with the lady instead of the pick-up truck.
This time was different. Muriel and Hal used to live in a huge house on a steep hill in Berkeley, filled with many bedrooms. Hal passed on three years ago in 2005, 15 years after being told he had 3-6 months to live. Muriel moved into a much smaller but still comfortable place in Walnut Creek; her daughter C_ moved in about a year later to help take care of her.
I have three cousins J_, all from the same mother - GM, Prof and Wulf. Prof had come to visit a month or so ago. A couple days before he arrived, Muriel received a diagnosis from the hospital. Her melanoma is Stage 4. She does not have long left. This did put a bit of a damper on his visit. It helped spur the rest of us to visit. This weekend was C_'s B'nai Mitzvah. Think of a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, but make it multiple people who are all adults, all handling different bits of the service. While this was a major part of the visit, I think all of us knew we were mostly there to see Muriel. I don't know if Wulf will have a chance to go visit. He has a new baby boy himself, only a couple of months old, and has been putting in a lot of hours working.
Friday night I helped a little with supper. My sister had made plans to spend time with a local friend, one of two she had tried to make plans with. The rest is her story, but time visiting local friends is a good thing when 3000 miles away from home.
After supper the family went to the temple. I know you've usually seen me refer to Jewish places of worship as synagogue, or shul, and generally not temple; but this was a temple. The architecture was beautiful. The main room was more square than my synagogue in Worcester, with pews on the sides and more windows. The Ark was made of glass, and a fairly nice stained glass mural was behind the Ark. The space was very comfortable.
The temple had musical instruments for services. Friday night had a full band of over a half-dozen performers. This was actually the first time I can remember when I've actually liked instrumentation at Jewish services in a community place of worship. None of the instruments were powered except by humans. There was a piano, a drum set, a clarinet, a guitar and more; and the sound was a bit amplified by a speaker system, but I am used to that. There was no chorus. Nanny's temple had a choir and a pipe organ, and while I loved Nanny and generally enjoyed her temple I really didn't like those touches. It just doesn't feel Jewish to me - I will admit my tastes are mine, though.
The liturgy, though... they have the new Reform prayerbook. I don't overmuch care for the changes to some prayers to make them more egalitarian, adding in female ancestors, but I know I am in the wrong on this and accept my dislike as a visceral dislike of change in prayer. Thing is, I really don't like the prayerbook. The prayers remind me of neo-Wiccan prayers. I don't have a problem with Wiccans praying Wiccan prayers and calling the prayers Wiccan. If at a Wiccan ceremony - hasn't happened in a number of years but I have no clue about the future - I may even partake in some of the prayers. On the other paw it feels wrong for Jews to pray Wiccan prayers and call the prayers Jewish. It feels like calling shrimp Kosher.
Services ran fairly late on Friday, until well after 10PM. When I got back to the hotel my sister's friend was still there. She left shortly after midnight, which was OK by me. She was a good sort.
Saturday morning my family went to the temple. My parents, sister and myself all walked - I decided I need the exercise, the company would be decent and the weather was good. About halfway there my mother caught her foot on a slightly raised sidewalk slab and fell. I yelled as I saw her topple. "Mom!" I couldn't move. My body just froze as she slowly fell to the pavement. Magid and Dad helped pick her up. She'd skinned her knee and had abraded both palms but was otherwise OK.
My sister might have some choice comments to make about the services, and she will say it a lot better than I could. I will say this: these people spent some two and a half years studying for this day. Most of them didn't do their very small portions of the service very well. I do applaud their work and their bravery going up there; I just wish they had better results to show for it. C_ asked my sister several questions about heksher on Sunday, for example.
Saturday afternoon was a good time for a nap, but instead I spent time trying to chase down a charger for my phone. In so doing I accidentally found out about another nice hotel perk: the free shuttle which will deliver you anywhere within a 3 mile radius of the hotel. This would have been good to know Friday. If I ever go back to Lafayette I'll definitely bear it in mind.
Sunday was my last day in the state. When C_ picked my sister and I up to bring us to brunch she told me, "Guess what? You're cooking your caramelized onions!" Nice to have notice, eh? No real problem, though. When we arrived I got to work as soon as I could. The frying pan was non-stick, but I caramelized the onions anyways to go into some scrambled eggs. Everybody except my sister had some, and enjoyed - including Muriel, who has had an appetite of a very small and elderly cat. Magid can caramelize her own onions and is particular about where she eats what foodstuffs owing to kashrut; I respect that.
Shortly after brunch Muriel went to lie down. I had hoped she would wake up before I left later in the afternoon, but she didn't. I headed out withkshandra for a little light supper and a chance to hang out. I'd hoped either her mom or her husband would be along as well, as I had not met them in person before, but she was busy and he was tired. I do respect that. The two of us had dinner. I flirted with her a bit - I knew flirting within reason was allowed. It felt good. Mainly we hung out and talked, which also felt good. It was too short a time before I was at the airport. I really would have liked a few more days in California, but time, children and finances did not allow.
I was hardly able to sleep on the flight home. Thankfully my wife had decided to take the day off from work so I might be able to get some very desperately needed sleep. Thank you love.
I do wish I could have seen Muriel again before I left. I know it was very likely the last time I'll see her live and in person; this makes me sad. Still, I have some contact information now. I can call her every now and again. I hope she'll be happy to hear from me sometimes.
My sister
magid and I flew out of Logan Airport Thursday night. We arrived in Oakland a bit after 11PM local time and were, shall we say, a little tired. Our mom had arranged for an airport limo, as our scheduled flight would have landed after the BART closed for the night if it had been delayed at all. We arrived at the hotel and headed off to bed.I intended to wander around San Francisco on Friday but ended up just staying around Lafayette for a while, getting a few errands done (an overdue haircut, a vastly overdue repair on my Sopranos jacket button) and just generally wandering around. Before lunch I was faced with a choice: go to San Francisco and knock about alone, or go have supper with family and go to services at my cousin's temple. I went for the latter. I mean, yes, San Francisco, but my relatives are important to me. After a little lunch - spicy beef with carrots and mushrooms, veg fried rice, chicken corn soup and a veg spring roll, $9 including a very generous tip - I was picked up by my cousin C_ and my uncle D_. On the ride I talked a bit about food and mentioned my caramelized onions in reference to helping with brunch on Sunday. "Oh no, " she said, "we'll have plenty of food. It's OK." When we got to her place I got to see her mother, Muriel.
I should explain a bit about Muriel. I don't know her anywhere near as well as I would like and have had very little chance to spend time with her. What I do know is that she is intelligent, savvy, sensible, wryly humorous and strong-willed. The first time I met her was some 20 years ago, a week or so before my eldest first cousin J_ got married. My parents decided to visit California early and spend a little time visiting Muriel and Hal, her husband.
I remember when we arrived that first time. "I put together a light meal for you," she said. I saw a good dozen dishes on the table, enough to feed at least twice as many people as were there even accounting for my much higher appetite back then. Some of the dishes were very strange to me, so I was my usual pickytarian self and ate from only a couple of dishes. The feeding gene is, as you can tell, a family trait.
A couple of days later on that trip we took two cars to downtown Berkeley for a bit of shopping and some lunch. Muriel had already parked and had another open meter right next to her car, so she was guarding it for my mother to park there. A black pick-up truck - I wasn't calling them SUVs yet - wanted to park there; the driver argued with Muriel, and this sixty-ish woman gave as good as she got. The peanut gallery sitting on steps at the street-corners, sipping their drinks and eating their sandwiches, commented on the whole thing and weighed in with the lady instead of the pick-up truck.
This time was different. Muriel and Hal used to live in a huge house on a steep hill in Berkeley, filled with many bedrooms. Hal passed on three years ago in 2005, 15 years after being told he had 3-6 months to live. Muriel moved into a much smaller but still comfortable place in Walnut Creek; her daughter C_ moved in about a year later to help take care of her.
I have three cousins J_, all from the same mother - GM, Prof and Wulf. Prof had come to visit a month or so ago. A couple days before he arrived, Muriel received a diagnosis from the hospital. Her melanoma is Stage 4. She does not have long left. This did put a bit of a damper on his visit. It helped spur the rest of us to visit. This weekend was C_'s B'nai Mitzvah. Think of a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, but make it multiple people who are all adults, all handling different bits of the service. While this was a major part of the visit, I think all of us knew we were mostly there to see Muriel. I don't know if Wulf will have a chance to go visit. He has a new baby boy himself, only a couple of months old, and has been putting in a lot of hours working.
Friday night I helped a little with supper. My sister had made plans to spend time with a local friend, one of two she had tried to make plans with. The rest is her story, but time visiting local friends is a good thing when 3000 miles away from home.
After supper the family went to the temple. I know you've usually seen me refer to Jewish places of worship as synagogue, or shul, and generally not temple; but this was a temple. The architecture was beautiful. The main room was more square than my synagogue in Worcester, with pews on the sides and more windows. The Ark was made of glass, and a fairly nice stained glass mural was behind the Ark. The space was very comfortable.
The temple had musical instruments for services. Friday night had a full band of over a half-dozen performers. This was actually the first time I can remember when I've actually liked instrumentation at Jewish services in a community place of worship. None of the instruments were powered except by humans. There was a piano, a drum set, a clarinet, a guitar and more; and the sound was a bit amplified by a speaker system, but I am used to that. There was no chorus. Nanny's temple had a choir and a pipe organ, and while I loved Nanny and generally enjoyed her temple I really didn't like those touches. It just doesn't feel Jewish to me - I will admit my tastes are mine, though.
The liturgy, though... they have the new Reform prayerbook. I don't overmuch care for the changes to some prayers to make them more egalitarian, adding in female ancestors, but I know I am in the wrong on this and accept my dislike as a visceral dislike of change in prayer. Thing is, I really don't like the prayerbook. The prayers remind me of neo-Wiccan prayers. I don't have a problem with Wiccans praying Wiccan prayers and calling the prayers Wiccan. If at a Wiccan ceremony - hasn't happened in a number of years but I have no clue about the future - I may even partake in some of the prayers. On the other paw it feels wrong for Jews to pray Wiccan prayers and call the prayers Jewish. It feels like calling shrimp Kosher.
Services ran fairly late on Friday, until well after 10PM. When I got back to the hotel my sister's friend was still there. She left shortly after midnight, which was OK by me. She was a good sort.
Saturday morning my family went to the temple. My parents, sister and myself all walked - I decided I need the exercise, the company would be decent and the weather was good. About halfway there my mother caught her foot on a slightly raised sidewalk slab and fell. I yelled as I saw her topple. "Mom!" I couldn't move. My body just froze as she slowly fell to the pavement. Magid and Dad helped pick her up. She'd skinned her knee and had abraded both palms but was otherwise OK.
My sister might have some choice comments to make about the services, and she will say it a lot better than I could. I will say this: these people spent some two and a half years studying for this day. Most of them didn't do their very small portions of the service very well. I do applaud their work and their bravery going up there; I just wish they had better results to show for it. C_ asked my sister several questions about heksher on Sunday, for example.
Saturday afternoon was a good time for a nap, but instead I spent time trying to chase down a charger for my phone. In so doing I accidentally found out about another nice hotel perk: the free shuttle which will deliver you anywhere within a 3 mile radius of the hotel. This would have been good to know Friday. If I ever go back to Lafayette I'll definitely bear it in mind.
Sunday was my last day in the state. When C_ picked my sister and I up to bring us to brunch she told me, "Guess what? You're cooking your caramelized onions!" Nice to have notice, eh? No real problem, though. When we arrived I got to work as soon as I could. The frying pan was non-stick, but I caramelized the onions anyways to go into some scrambled eggs. Everybody except my sister had some, and enjoyed - including Muriel, who has had an appetite of a very small and elderly cat. Magid can caramelize her own onions and is particular about where she eats what foodstuffs owing to kashrut; I respect that.
Shortly after brunch Muriel went to lie down. I had hoped she would wake up before I left later in the afternoon, but she didn't. I headed out with
kshandra for a little light supper and a chance to hang out. I'd hoped either her mom or her husband would be along as well, as I had not met them in person before, but she was busy and he was tired. I do respect that. The two of us had dinner. I flirted with her a bit - I knew flirting within reason was allowed. It felt good. Mainly we hung out and talked, which also felt good. It was too short a time before I was at the airport. I really would have liked a few more days in California, but time, children and finances did not allow.I was hardly able to sleep on the flight home. Thankfully my wife had decided to take the day off from work so I might be able to get some very desperately needed sleep. Thank you love.
I do wish I could have seen Muriel again before I left. I know it was very likely the last time I'll see her live and in person; this makes me sad. Still, I have some contact information now. I can call her every now and again. I hope she'll be happy to hear from me sometimes.
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Date: 2009-01-13 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-13 05:35 pm (UTC)