I hereby announce my candidacy
Mar. 5th, 2003 01:26 pmI am running for President.
As your President, I will work to balance the budget. I will work to streamline the tax code so it looks more like stereo instructions than a complete set of encyclopaedias. We need to have accountability in spending and in tax cuts and I will work on both.
As your President, I will work to restore your civil rights and uphold your right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. I will work to restore your First Amendment rights to peaceably assemble and be able to petition the government for a redress of grievances. I shall work to restore freedom of speech.
I will work to restore your Second Amendment rights. A responsible and civic neighbor who owns a gun is no threat to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Guns are only dangerous when used to deprive people of their basic rights; they can be a great aid in helping people defend their rights.
I will work to restore your Fourth Amendment rights. You have a right to be secure in your home, your effects and your property. Without probable cause there is no need for your government to search your home. There is no reason for your home or your legal personal effects to be seized.
I will work to restore your Fifth Amendment rights. You should not be arrested and detained by the government without being charged with a crime. When at trial you should be allowed to present evidence that is proof of innocence. While these rights may be waived in exceptional circumstances when Congress has declared war, they should not be taken when Congress has not declared war.
I will work to restore your Sixth Amendment rights. You have the right to a speedy trial. You have the right to be confronted by by your accuser. You have the right of Counsel. If you don't know what you're accused of and don't know who accused you and are denied legal help, how can you hope to prove your innocence?
I will work to restore your Seventh Amendment rights. The jury is a humble but important part of the judicial system. It is the balance to the power of the court and it is an honorable calling.
I will work to restore your Eight Amendment rights. Currently we have some relatively minor crimes which in practice carry far more severe penalties than far harsher crimes. It's time for a judicious judicial overhaul.
I will work to restore your Ninth and Tenth Amendment rights. A lot of rights have been trampled on these past two years. These are your rights and my rights, your friends rights and your neighbors rights. They're the rights of people you might not like and people who might not like you. But these are rights.
If you disagree with me, that's your right and I will defend your right to disagree. I hope you'll come together with me, but even if you disagree with one or two things I want to do, if you like the rest then please vote for your rights. Vote for your nation's scruples and ethics. And vote for me.
(And yes, I think I am almost serious about this. Do feel free to link to this)
As your President, I will work to balance the budget. I will work to streamline the tax code so it looks more like stereo instructions than a complete set of encyclopaedias. We need to have accountability in spending and in tax cuts and I will work on both.
As your President, I will work to restore your civil rights and uphold your right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. I will work to restore your First Amendment rights to peaceably assemble and be able to petition the government for a redress of grievances. I shall work to restore freedom of speech.
I will work to restore your Second Amendment rights. A responsible and civic neighbor who owns a gun is no threat to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Guns are only dangerous when used to deprive people of their basic rights; they can be a great aid in helping people defend their rights.
I will work to restore your Fourth Amendment rights. You have a right to be secure in your home, your effects and your property. Without probable cause there is no need for your government to search your home. There is no reason for your home or your legal personal effects to be seized.
I will work to restore your Fifth Amendment rights. You should not be arrested and detained by the government without being charged with a crime. When at trial you should be allowed to present evidence that is proof of innocence. While these rights may be waived in exceptional circumstances when Congress has declared war, they should not be taken when Congress has not declared war.
I will work to restore your Sixth Amendment rights. You have the right to a speedy trial. You have the right to be confronted by by your accuser. You have the right of Counsel. If you don't know what you're accused of and don't know who accused you and are denied legal help, how can you hope to prove your innocence?
I will work to restore your Seventh Amendment rights. The jury is a humble but important part of the judicial system. It is the balance to the power of the court and it is an honorable calling.
I will work to restore your Eight Amendment rights. Currently we have some relatively minor crimes which in practice carry far more severe penalties than far harsher crimes. It's time for a judicious judicial overhaul.
I will work to restore your Ninth and Tenth Amendment rights. A lot of rights have been trampled on these past two years. These are your rights and my rights, your friends rights and your neighbors rights. They're the rights of people you might not like and people who might not like you. But these are rights.
If you disagree with me, that's your right and I will defend your right to disagree. I hope you'll come together with me, but even if you disagree with one or two things I want to do, if you like the rest then please vote for your rights. Vote for your nation's scruples and ethics. And vote for me.
(And yes, I think I am almost serious about this. Do feel free to link to this)