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News of the Weak, Sep 8 2002
Sep. 8th, 2002 04:17 pmUS President George W Bush declared that US citizens need to live the way they did before last year's bombing attacks. "So just relax and take our new anal probes like a man, like I did."
Former telephone industry giant Worldcom admitted that it made some poor marketing decisions in a rare candid statement to the press. "We should never have hired that purple dinosaur for policy decisions." In an unrelated story, Barney left the set of his set unexpectedly, leaving behind a dozen annoyed midgets smoking cigars.
Major media mogul Rupert Murdoch put himself into suspended animation and is spending the year dead for tax reasons. This expected to save him US$50 million in taxes but cost $53 million in new medical research.
Bill Gates declared himself a pauper after revealing he bought a warehouse full of Dilbert books at retail prices. Dogbert was seen doing the happy dance in the streets of Renton WA.
Scott Adams declared himself a pauper after revealing he sold a warehouse full of Dilbert overstock books for $1 to Dogbert to avoid risk of strangulation. Dogbert was seen doing the happy dance on Scott Adams' desk.
Doctors successfully transplanted two human brains, one from a wealthy old businessman and the other from a young female bodybuilder. Court cases are pending to determine just who is who.
Godzilla did absolutely nothing after major tranquilization. A Japanese spokesman said, "I hope we can keep him down for a while but we don't know how long#$@#$$@#$" before the satellite uplink was fried by nuclear fire.
.
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But first: My Favorite Bathroom Gurgles, the 12 volume set reviewed.
Former telephone industry giant Worldcom admitted that it made some poor marketing decisions in a rare candid statement to the press. "We should never have hired that purple dinosaur for policy decisions." In an unrelated story, Barney left the set of his set unexpectedly, leaving behind a dozen annoyed midgets smoking cigars.
Major media mogul Rupert Murdoch put himself into suspended animation and is spending the year dead for tax reasons. This expected to save him US$50 million in taxes but cost $53 million in new medical research.
Bill Gates declared himself a pauper after revealing he bought a warehouse full of Dilbert books at retail prices. Dogbert was seen doing the happy dance in the streets of Renton WA.
Scott Adams declared himself a pauper after revealing he sold a warehouse full of Dilbert overstock books for $1 to Dogbert to avoid risk of strangulation. Dogbert was seen doing the happy dance on Scott Adams' desk.
Doctors successfully transplanted two human brains, one from a wealthy old businessman and the other from a young female bodybuilder. Court cases are pending to determine just who is who.
Godzilla did absolutely nothing after major tranquilization. A Japanese spokesman said, "I hope we can keep him down for a while but we don't know how long#$@#$$@#$" before the satellite uplink was fried by nuclear fire.
.
.
But first: My Favorite Bathroom Gurgles, the 12 volume set reviewed.
