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News of the Weak, August 15 2002
Aug. 15th, 2002 11:35 amDresden Germany braced itself for heavy floods. Items at risk are the opera house mouldering, fine old art being destroyed, and their finely crafted German beer tasting like Budweiser.
US President George W Bush spoke optimistically about the US economy today. "Our economy is the strongest, the brightest it has ever been. The waters may be rocky, but it burns hot with the wind of new ideas in the air." In an unrelated story, the Greater Houston Pagan Society and Tea Hall dubbed George W Bush "The Elemental President".
An Israeli citizen blew himself up in the West Bank town of Ramallah, receving minor scuff marks and killings three rats and a cockroach. The international community condemned Israel for not stopping the violence. In an unrelated story a Palestinian blew herself up in a settlement on the West bank, killing herself and wounding two chickens and a goat. The international community condemned Israel for not stopping the violence.
US Major League Baseball talks between onwers and players hit a snag when players demanded more money and owners refused to give it. "We love this game, and we refuse to let it be sullied by salaries of under $1 million dollars per year for professional ball players. The purity of the playground spirit of baseball is at stake," said an anonymous major name baseball player speaking on condition of temporary anonymity.
IMClone announced today that they had successfully cloned Godzilla. The clone promptly flattened and redesigned the IMClone lab to have a Celtic knotwork wall pattern subtly accented with wall sconces for lights and beakers. that wouldn't disturb the flow of the hallways. IMClone promptly denied splicing Godzilla DNA with Martha Stewart but investigations will proceed.
WorldCom leaders put up new signs on Monday: "Will provide service for food." The company was promptly taken over by supermarket giant Kroger's.
The Nikkei index fell sharply on news that Godzilla and Martha Stewart had been genetically spliced, bringing the index down 5 points on light trading.
.
.
But first: What is the hidden link between mayonnaise, American cheese and the CIA? A special report.
US President George W Bush spoke optimistically about the US economy today. "Our economy is the strongest, the brightest it has ever been. The waters may be rocky, but it burns hot with the wind of new ideas in the air." In an unrelated story, the Greater Houston Pagan Society and Tea Hall dubbed George W Bush "The Elemental President".
An Israeli citizen blew himself up in the West Bank town of Ramallah, receving minor scuff marks and killings three rats and a cockroach. The international community condemned Israel for not stopping the violence. In an unrelated story a Palestinian blew herself up in a settlement on the West bank, killing herself and wounding two chickens and a goat. The international community condemned Israel for not stopping the violence.
US Major League Baseball talks between onwers and players hit a snag when players demanded more money and owners refused to give it. "We love this game, and we refuse to let it be sullied by salaries of under $1 million dollars per year for professional ball players. The purity of the playground spirit of baseball is at stake," said an anonymous major name baseball player speaking on condition of temporary anonymity.
IMClone announced today that they had successfully cloned Godzilla. The clone promptly flattened and redesigned the IMClone lab to have a Celtic knotwork wall pattern subtly accented with wall sconces for lights and beakers. that wouldn't disturb the flow of the hallways. IMClone promptly denied splicing Godzilla DNA with Martha Stewart but investigations will proceed.
WorldCom leaders put up new signs on Monday: "Will provide service for food." The company was promptly taken over by supermarket giant Kroger's.
The Nikkei index fell sharply on news that Godzilla and Martha Stewart had been genetically spliced, bringing the index down 5 points on light trading.
.
.
But first: What is the hidden link between mayonnaise, American cheese and the CIA? A special report.
