Musings on socializing.

I've been pondering society as a whole for several years, on a fairly regular if gradual process. I've also been pondering the social circles I tend to fall in with and my place in them, as well as my place in the social network at workplaces.

See, socially I'm actually a fairly slow learner, pattern-wise. I seldom interacted well with my peers when I was little and this only got better on a slow basis growing up, sometimes requiring a total change of venue or cutting off contact for years with a current venue to see any real progress. I was a geek, a shy kid, unable to flirt, not good at verbal or kinesthetic cues and most definitely confused by the strange behavior around me. I played sports and games defensively because playing the offense could hurt someone and they'd get mad and then there'd be trouble and it didn't matter if they played offensively.

I didn't try to learn just the current social and psychological patterns I faced, I tried to learn the static of the overall scheme and how the dynamic aspects work together and play off against each other. But it's such a long process!

It took me a long time to learn more balanced play, more give and take, how to make wise, how to joke with people without meanness and have them understand it was in fun. I had no idea of how to flirt when I first got to college, mostly just looking at the pretty girls and wishing really hard for them to notice me. And they didn't - people pay more attention to other people doing things. This is why newspapers charge their readers fifty cents a day.

My dad is going to be 75 years old next year. He grew up in the Depression, had a fairly restrictive father and left home to wander. He joined the Army but even after his time there he was still pretty straight-arrow. He got his bachelor's degree, met Mom, married her and got into something of a comfortable rut. He knew who he was and the people he spent time with and that was pretty much all he needed. Asking him for advice about science was useful, but asking him for social advice was a pretty certain recipe for crash-and-burn.

He's still in some ways the shy boy who grew up in the Depression. Without meaning to he did spend some of his effort molding his kids into what he thought they ought to be. Fortunately he did realize that we're different and that the world isn't quite the same as when he grew up. He just doesn't seem to be able to understand the magnitude and amount of the changes.

I spent time and effort learning about things not quite in Dad's worldview. I wandered, and I've made lots of mistakes as well as a number of accomplishments. I've broken through many of the windows and walls Dad helped set up (Mom did some too, let us give credit where it is due). And I'm comfortable in my social circles, if lonely at times. I just don't want to fall into a rut like Dad did, like Mom did, like my Dad's parents most definitely did. I don't want to do things just because they're expected of me - I want to want to do them, and luckily I usually do.

This weekend I'm going to talk about in reverse. Today, before going to work and for once hanging out with my co-workers, I went to a very nice pancake breakfast in a historic house currently run by zzbottom. Pancakes were made to order, so I had 'em with bananas cooked in 'em and butter and maple syrup when done. I've really missed banana pancakes. The socializing was good - I got to talk with queue for a bit about work and life and such and generally catch up on things with him; and met some neat people in person and got to say hi to lots of other neat people I already knew. But my time there was pretty short. I woke up about 7am with some rather fun encouragement from tigerbright but went back to bed around 10am because I was exhausted.
On Saturday I woke up early and watched my cartoons, played on the computer a little, avoided cooking and snuggled a bit with Tigerbright. I asked her in the evening if she'd like to go out to eat and her first question was "Let's invite some people to join us" - and I pointed out that I wanted to go to dinner with just her. We've asked other people to join us most of the last buncha times we've gone out and we'd originally planned that this would be a "Just Us" day. So we did. When we got back she went to bed a bit before me, feeling tired.
Friday I put in overtime at work, did some grocery shopping for the house but not enough, and cooked dinner for five (which I described in my previous post). One of the funny-amusing things on Friday was an observation from ZZBottom's lady - she pictured me as older than my sister, by no more than a couple of years. She knew better but that's how she perceived us. Tigerbright suggested it's that I have more life experience some ways than my sister, but she said that wasn't it.

I do wonder sometimes about my reputation in current social circles. I think I'm viewed as a jokester and kinda flaky and sometimes annoying and sometimes sweet; and I am a jokester and I do have awful dandruff and I do try to make people laugh but sometimes maybe a bit much. And sometimes I am the original rock in the storm, something I only bring out when needful and don't worry about it not being part of my rep. Sometimes I wonder if I'd really want a different reputation, a better one, and of course my first answer is "Yes!" But I'm me. I don't think I'd want a reputation that doesn't match me, and this one does. I'll take the flake bits so long as I get to still be me without real stigma.