News of the Weak
May. 26th, 2002 05:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teddywolfPresident George Bush has declared that the GOP will oppose Minnesota Senator Paul Wellstone "because he's a liberal. Did you hear me? Liberal. Remember, we made it a dirty word so it means he's a bad man. Liberal." Senator Wellstone, in a burst of bipartisan politics, agreed and said, "I am a liberal, just like the President says. Booga. Booga. Boo."
The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals declared that humans weren't worth saving while animals were. To prove it they committed a mass suicide in Boston Massachusetts. Unfortunately, nobody noticed as the Red Sox lost to the Yankees 3-2.
Yasser Arafat told reporters that he was ready to talk peace during a seminar on proper maintenance of AK47s to Palestinian youth. When asked about the seminar, he said it was a 'standard Palestinian outreach program.'
Pepe Le Pen garnered over 15% of the vote in France in spite of his incredible stench.
The Red Sox signed Mothra to a two year US$20 million contract, but only after the Yankees signed Godzilla for a 3 year $18 million contract. A spokesman for Godzilla said, "This is outrageous! Gozdilla is worth-" before being eaten by Mothra.
Microsoft founder Bill Gates confirmed that Windows turned computers into TV cameras allowing a total invasion of privacy. "Where do you think MTv got the concept from, Duh??" said the multibillionaire.
US President George W Bush announced that the US government would be assuming control of several leading daily newspapers, including the San Francisco Chronicle, the Washington Post, the Miami Herald, the Boston Globe and the New York Times. The new megapaper will have "just as much leeway as they currently do as a free and noble press with a couple of small exceptions regarding the Executive branch." The New York Times denounced this newest and most pernicious edition of 'The Federalist Papers'.
After a dramatic plunge in iceberg lettuce futures the Dow Jones Industrial Average wilted, cuked, tossed up its hands, dressed and called it a day.
But first: How they trained Toby Maguire to stick to walls, a special report.
The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals declared that humans weren't worth saving while animals were. To prove it they committed a mass suicide in Boston Massachusetts. Unfortunately, nobody noticed as the Red Sox lost to the Yankees 3-2.
Yasser Arafat told reporters that he was ready to talk peace during a seminar on proper maintenance of AK47s to Palestinian youth. When asked about the seminar, he said it was a 'standard Palestinian outreach program.'
Pepe Le Pen garnered over 15% of the vote in France in spite of his incredible stench.
The Red Sox signed Mothra to a two year US$20 million contract, but only after the Yankees signed Godzilla for a 3 year $18 million contract. A spokesman for Godzilla said, "This is outrageous! Gozdilla is worth-" before being eaten by Mothra.
Microsoft founder Bill Gates confirmed that Windows turned computers into TV cameras allowing a total invasion of privacy. "Where do you think MTv got the concept from, Duh??" said the multibillionaire.
US President George W Bush announced that the US government would be assuming control of several leading daily newspapers, including the San Francisco Chronicle, the Washington Post, the Miami Herald, the Boston Globe and the New York Times. The new megapaper will have "just as much leeway as they currently do as a free and noble press with a couple of small exceptions regarding the Executive branch." The New York Times denounced this newest and most pernicious edition of 'The Federalist Papers'.
After a dramatic plunge in iceberg lettuce futures the Dow Jones Industrial Average wilted, cuked, tossed up its hands, dressed and called it a day.
But first: How they trained Toby Maguire to stick to walls, a special report.
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no subject
Date: 2002-05-26 05:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-05-26 05:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-05-26 08:56 pm (UTC)A.
:)