Song: Damn I Missed!

[teddywolf]

To any religious Christian friends I have, you might want to skip this unless you have a healthy sense of humor (or you're "recovering Christians")

I was hoping to write three more verses but I'm stymied for now, so I'll let it stand as it is.



A priest and his friend went golfing one day
His friend just made bogeys much to his dismay
No matter the priest and his efforts to sway
His friend kept on cursing saying "Damn, I missed!"

Damn I missed, damn I missed
I can't sink a birdie and I'm really pissed
It should be as easy as flicking my wrist
I'm terribly angry cuz damn, I missed!

The priest told his friend, "Put your mood in reverse.
You're getting God angry whenever you curse
If you don't calm down, well, you won't need a hearse
You'll be naught left but ashes from 'Damn, I missed!'"

Damn I missed, damn I missed
My club is all broken and I'm really pissed
It should be as easy as flicking my wrist
I'm terribly angry cuz damn, I missed!

His friend kept on cursing til from the blue sky
A lightning bolt made the priest a French fry
The friend was astonished but quickly learned why
When a voice like deep thunder said, "Damn, I missed!"

Damn I missed, damn I missed
I can't fry a golfer and I'm really pissed
It should be as easy as flicking my wrist
I'm terribly angry cuz damn, I missed!

A minister priest and a rabbi went out
On canoe for some fishing of flounder and trout
When hooks came up empty the priest he did doubt
And jumped up and down saying, "Damn, I missed!"

Damn I missed, damn I missed
I can't get a nibble and I'm really pissed
It should be as easy as flicking my wrist
I'm terribly angry cuz damn, I missed!

The rabbi looked troubled and walked to the shore
He walked on clear water as if it were floor
The minister joined him, the boat to abjure
But the priest he cursed splashlingly, "Damn, I missed!"

Damn I missed, damn I missed
I can't walk on water and I'm really pissed
It should be as easy as flicking my wrist
I'm terribly angry cuz damn, I missed!

They laughed and they got him and said in nice tones
"You should pay more attention to pond stepping stones.
Just watch and we'll show you," they told Father Jones
Then fell in the water, cursed "Damn, I missed!"

Damn I missed, damn I missed
I can't find the pathway and I'm really pissed
It should be as easy as flicking my wrist
I'm terribly angry cuz damn, I missed!

A lady and husband in Bethlehem were
They never once knew what a cause they would stir
Jerusalem their goal but to them just a blur
When they found they were stuck they said, "Damn, I missed!"

Damn I missed, damn I missed
I can't find a city and I'm really pissed
It should be as easy as flicking my wrist
I'm terribly angry cuz damn, I missed!

They slept in a manger on half eaten hay
And hoped that their inn wouldn't cut short their stay
But when they both wanted to get on their way
Their baby was born and said, "Damn I missed!"

Damn I missed, damn I missed
I can't find my daddy and I'm really pissed
It should be as easy as flicking my wrist
I'm terribly angry cuz damn, I missed!

Then God rumbled "Hey, be careful my son
You shouldn't get mad, they were under the gun!"
In sotto voice added, "Your mom's lots of fun
But I thought I was careful - damn, I missed!"

Damn I missed, damn I missed
It was only to be a single night's tryst
Next time I'll be simple and stick to my wrists
I'm terribly angry cuz damn, I missed!