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On the nature of depression
Depression sucks.
I know a number of people who deal with depression on a regular basis. The most common symptom I see when it comes to depression is unhappiness about a perceived lack of self-worth. This can be anything from, "I'm not worth spending this money on" to "I'm such a horrible person and I don't know why anybody even wants to waste time on a worthless slug like me!" There's lots of points in between too.
Just about everybody gets depressed now and again. Self-worth is a very hard thing to pin down but it comes from the inside. Introspection goes to the inside and questions and what-ifs until you're blue in the face - then it gets serious.
Some friends of mine say Depression Lies. This is actually pretty accurate.
When depression talks it talks about the bad stuff. It takes any bit of bad stuff and blows it up into a crisis of epic proportions whether it's a crisis or not. It takes anything questionable and paints it as bad stuff, then does the same thing it does to real bad stuff. It discounts anything good as being either an aberration or unreal.
Discounting real stuff as freak chance is bad enough. Warping neutral into awful is worse.
Depression can breed hopelessness. For example, there have been times I haven't been able to do any work around the house because it looks like a giant solid mass to get done. In truth it's been lots of littler tasks, but I couldn't see that.
Depression is not easy to deal with. If the above points sound like you on a regular basis, discounting the good whilst being miserable in the bad, I suggest doing the following:
1) Concentrate on what is. Yes, there may be bad stuff. There is also good stuff and it matters at least as much as the bad stuff.
2) Remember that it's not all one giant wave of stuff coming at you. Each little task you finish gets a little bit done, and that little bit comes out of the big mass. It's not quite as big after that.
3) If it's hard getting anything at all done, look at a single tiny thing - anything from a single dish to a single piece of trash. Do that one single thing. Wash that dish. Put that piece of trash in the trash. It's just one little thing. Thing is, once you've started doing that one little thing don't let it stop you from doing something similar again.
4) If none of the above work at all, or they don't work very well most of the time, please look into professional help. Professionals can help by listening and by prescribing any medicines that may be appropriate to help balance your brain's chemistry, because make no mistake it is a bit off. It's still up to you to do the work - pick up that piece of paper, for example - but it can be easier if you have a competent professional helping you get your chemical and hormonal balance back in line.
Depression's a constant fight, and the very hopelessness it puts in a brain saps the will to fight it. Even so, fighting depression is fighting the good fight. Reach out for help if you need to - it's probably closer than you think.
I know a number of people who deal with depression on a regular basis. The most common symptom I see when it comes to depression is unhappiness about a perceived lack of self-worth. This can be anything from, "I'm not worth spending this money on" to "I'm such a horrible person and I don't know why anybody even wants to waste time on a worthless slug like me!" There's lots of points in between too.
Just about everybody gets depressed now and again. Self-worth is a very hard thing to pin down but it comes from the inside. Introspection goes to the inside and questions and what-ifs until you're blue in the face - then it gets serious.
Some friends of mine say Depression Lies. This is actually pretty accurate.
When depression talks it talks about the bad stuff. It takes any bit of bad stuff and blows it up into a crisis of epic proportions whether it's a crisis or not. It takes anything questionable and paints it as bad stuff, then does the same thing it does to real bad stuff. It discounts anything good as being either an aberration or unreal.
Discounting real stuff as freak chance is bad enough. Warping neutral into awful is worse.
Depression can breed hopelessness. For example, there have been times I haven't been able to do any work around the house because it looks like a giant solid mass to get done. In truth it's been lots of littler tasks, but I couldn't see that.
Depression is not easy to deal with. If the above points sound like you on a regular basis, discounting the good whilst being miserable in the bad, I suggest doing the following:
1) Concentrate on what is. Yes, there may be bad stuff. There is also good stuff and it matters at least as much as the bad stuff.
2) Remember that it's not all one giant wave of stuff coming at you. Each little task you finish gets a little bit done, and that little bit comes out of the big mass. It's not quite as big after that.
3) If it's hard getting anything at all done, look at a single tiny thing - anything from a single dish to a single piece of trash. Do that one single thing. Wash that dish. Put that piece of trash in the trash. It's just one little thing. Thing is, once you've started doing that one little thing don't let it stop you from doing something similar again.
4) If none of the above work at all, or they don't work very well most of the time, please look into professional help. Professionals can help by listening and by prescribing any medicines that may be appropriate to help balance your brain's chemistry, because make no mistake it is a bit off. It's still up to you to do the work - pick up that piece of paper, for example - but it can be easier if you have a competent professional helping you get your chemical and hormonal balance back in line.
Depression's a constant fight, and the very hopelessness it puts in a brain saps the will to fight it. Even so, fighting depression is fighting the good fight. Reach out for help if you need to - it's probably closer than you think.
Re: This is not a CEPT
You say:
> Last time I reached out for help I dragged a few good people down with me.
How did you drag people down with you when you asked for help? Certainly if you didn't need help so badly, you wouldn't have reached out at all. By willfully keeping yourself the way you are now, you're posing a danger to others, because you probably don't have the strength of character to suffer alone forever. You need to get professional help to keep from hurting the rest of us. Killing yourself won't help; you'll just cause more people to suffer, as you yourself say.
You also say:
> If there is anything one can do, it is facing this abmissal reality of hell and give in to it.
Treatment is part of this abyssmal reality of Hell. Not seeking treatment is just your way of ducking out of some of the misery. When you say, "Oh great! replace my perception of reality with a druginduced illusion!", you tell me all I need to know ... you're not willing to face the torture; you're still trying to save part of yourself. Your ego gets to think, "At least I know what's really going on!" ... meanwhile, you cause people to get hurt and you wreck your own life.
You also say:
> If I had any character I would have killed myself long ago.
Here's a compromise that shouldn't take as much character as suicide: go get professional help. Keep taking the meds for a couple of months. All you'll need to do that is to lose some of the pride you take in having "accurate" perception of reality. Open your mind a bit ... if not for yourself, for the people you'll probably hurt in the future if you keep going on like this.
Even if you don't think anything of yourself, you recognize that you have the ability to hurt other people. You can how likely you are to hurt other people by getting professional help immediately.
<sigh> ... I don't even know whether you're alive or dead. If you're alive, I hope you heed my advice.
Re: This is not a CEPT
(Anonymous) 2003-04-04 08:02 am (UTC)(link)treatment costs money. I am unemployed.
Therapy requires two things to work:
1. A basic willingness to admit that one can't handle ones life without help. Agreeing to be helped.
2. For me at least a therapist I trust and accept as my intellectual equal or better.
I have been in therapy and it has helped me then.
I cannot afford therapy right now.
I have long ago decided never to committ suicide.
(unless I could be 110% sure nobody would be harmed by it in any way and there was no chance of being dragged back. I can't be sure of the first. I won't do it. )
I am also a drama queen and feeling very low at the moment.
And last not least thank you for trying , but I'd rather have everyone concentrate on helping people who can be helped safely. I on the other hand do have to face my demons alone right now - this is something I have to get through on my own.
As for dragging down people: currently they are more stressed and unhappier than before they started to help me, as they have their own problems I regard this as unacceptable.
Re: This is not a CEPT
I sympathize with being unemployed. I'm unemployed. I get my psychiatric assistance from the local public health organization, If you're looking for that kind of assistance, some places have sliding fee scales, including assistance at no charge. (I'm cheaper out in the community than I am taking up space at the state hospital.)
If you want to talk, I'll listen. Everyone has their own problems, true, but I can at least lend an ear and (if it's useful at all) some advice. If you're so overwhelming that I feel swamped, I'll tell you. Your choice.
Take care ...
Thanks again was: This is not a CEPT
(Anonymous) 2003-04-05 01:45 am (UTC)(link)If I went on here explaining why getting therapy ain't easy I would probably give up my anonymity.
The net is a VERY place.
Also I am talking with friends and it turns out I did not drag them down as far as I thought. And I am now quite convinced that I have to do that on my own.
look at : was: This is not a CEPT